Dumbledore's Crazy Idea
by Psywena-Jagwena
Summary: Old Dumbly is bored. He has no more dark wizards to annihilate! So one night, he decides to do something that no school has ever done before, not even Durmstrang!...Rating may increase.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **Neither of us own Harry and his friends, because if we did, we wouldn't be writing silly fanfics.

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**Prologue **

Dumbledore sighed as he looked down upon the ever-accumulating paperwork that lay idly on his desk. He gave a huge yawn, startling some of his painted colleagues.

"You look overworked, Dumbly," said Phineas Nigellus.

"Maybe you should take a break!" yelled Fortescue.

"Come on…you're the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…everyone fears you! Just declare today a school holiday…say it's…preparation days before the exams start!"

"Exams are in June, dear. I need hardly remind you that it's only November (much as I'd like it to be June)" sighed Dumbledore.

"You can't expect much from me…my world has been this piece of rotten canvas for two hundred years!"

"I'll think of something. Till then, goodnight. And please avoid suspension points, they hurt my eyes", said Dumbldore (with a twinkle in his eye, doesn't he get tired of that?)

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This is a short intro, we'll be uploading the next chapter soon. Toodle-pip! (we're sooo british...) 


	2. ONE: To Hermione

**Author: Jagwena**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter...yet.

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Chapter One: To Hermione's Horror

It was Saturday, so it was only normal that Hermione was up at 6.30 am. Best to make the most of the weekends! She thought. Oh yes…exams start soon! I have to start studying…I hope Dumbledore gave us a few days off for preparation. Actually, he should just give us the whole year off! I'll ask Harry later, I'm sure he'd agree, he's quite the 'intellectual' after all…

And with that obfuscating thought in mind, she proceeded to the Great Hall to check the notice board for any news. Nothing much caught her eye, she just read the usual stupid stuff people posted:

'SLUG CLUB opens today, bring the most poisonous sluggies you can find!'

I should tell Ron about that, he could cast that spell he used in second year to defend me! So is that what Slughorn's group is all about? I don't think I'll join anymore…

'Hufflepuff's secret Quidditch practice: Wednesday Midnight. We discuss the New Move'

It's hardly a secret if it's here! Hermione rolled her eyes. Oh well. Hufflepuffs weren't Hufflepuffs for nothing. She'd better tell Harry and Ron about this.

Then she read some pleas from Luna Lovegood, about her missing clothes. She had tried to evoke the readers' sympathy by explaining how uncomfortable wearing a towel was. Hermione being an old softie decided that she would give Luna Ron's old T-Shirt. It needed washing anyway.

The next note she read changed her life.

Well, it had a similar effect anyway.

'A note from your beloved Headmaster: since boredom has hit this school hard, I am proud to announce a FANCY DRESS COMPETITION! Everyone is obliged to attend (including faculty). A party shall be held in December when the winners shall be announced.

-A.P.W.B.D (affectionately known as Dumbly)'

"Beloved?" said a drawling, sprawling, crawling voice behind Hermione. Draco Malfoy smirked (A/N: what was he doing up at 6.30 on a Saturday anyway? Didn't think_ he _was a nerd…). "He sure is full of himself."

He turned to insult Hermione, as he was wont to do…but to his horror, she had already left…

Keep calm, keep calm…I'll just tell Ron, he'll help…

So she banged open his dormitory door and then-

"What the hell does CRAZY old Dumbledore expect ME to do? I can't be forced to enter a stupid competition! RON! Are you LISTENING!" she said, strangling the sleeping Ron. It didn't seem to have much effect.

"Hermione…you're a nice woman, but please just _shut up_!" cried Seamus.

And with that, Hermione daintily left the dorm and went to the Gryffindor Common room, hoping that Harry was there to confide in.

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**Thanks for reviewing the prologue so promptly! Please review this one too...**


	3. TWO: Ron's Clumsiness

**Author: Psywena**

**Disclaimer: "Your honour, I swear these characters do not belong to me!"**

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_-------Dream Sequence-------_

Ron was walking in the forest with his nice new jeans and new sweater and a nice new robe on top. His pocket was filled with money. He pulled out a few galleons and sickles to make sure that they were still there. He was holding a bottle of Butterbeer in one hand and another bagful of galleons in the other.

'Ah,' he thought, 'this is the life.'

Then he heard loud screeching.

'Hmmmmm,' he thought looking upwards, 'I cant see any birds. I wonder where all this screeching is coming from?'

There was another loud screech and everything in the forest went black.

_-------End Dream Sequence-------_

And so, Ron woke up in his dormitory to hear a mad Hermione shouting something about 'crazy dumbledores' and 'being forced to do something'. By the time he opened his eyes, she was running out of the room.

He saw that all his other mates had their hands on their ears to block out Hermione's screaming and were struggling to get out of their beds. They were all doing well, considering the fact that they had no hands to use, until Neville fell out of his bed and completely flat on his face. The sight of Neville sprawled flat out, facedown, on the floor combined with the sight of Hermione running out of the room like a mad woman cracked Ron up completely.

He started laughing hysterically. He laughed so much that he got the hiccups. So he reached for his wand to cure his bout of hiccups when he realized that his wand had fallen on the floor under his bed while Hermione was strangling him(which is why he had the blackout in the forest in his dream).

So Ron bent over the bed, still hiccupping and laughing mind you, and saw that his wand lay right in the middle of the floor beneath his bed. And so Ron stretched and stretched and stretched and stretched and stretched till he flipped and found himself looking at the ceiling. He was dangerously hanging with his feet on Harry's bed and one of his hands desperately hanging onto his blanket while the other hand was still stretched out under the bed(A/N: Strongly advised not to try this at home. It is advised to try and imagine it instead!).

But unfortunately for Ron(as it always is), his blanket started slipping off the bed, and as Ron fell on the floor, the blanket fell on top of him. So Ron rolled desperately on the ground, trying to get the blanket off him but only succeded in making it all tangled up around him. And so Ron kept on rolling till he banged into one of the poles of someone's bed and then pulled himself up.

Still entangled in his blanket, Ron walked over to what he assumed to be his bed. Instead, he found himself falling for what felt like forever until he fell flat on the floor, just like Neville was a few minutes ago, not one inch from two pairs of shoes. As he looked up he saw that he was in the Gryffindor Common Room looking up at two pairs of concerned but amused eyes.

"Hello Harry…..hic…..Hermione." said Ron and a lot of boisterous laughter was heard from a certain dormitory as Neville shouted, "Look at you! Don't laugh at me next time I fall like that!"

'Damn,' thought Ron, 'those hiccups hic haven't gone yet!'

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Hoped you liked it!


	4. THREE: Meanwhile

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, this wouldn't be called a fanfic; it would be called Book 7**

**Author**: Dragwena (sister of Jagwena)

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Chapter 3 : Meanwhile…

Meanwhile, on a planet no one had ever heard of (it was _so _evil), a place no one spoke of (only depraved ones visited it) at a time everyone thought was ungodly, little old Voldy was drinking a strawberry milkshake at 5 o'clock on a Saturday evening at Mc Donald's.

He had nearly finished his drink; all that remained was the little frothy bit no one can ever reach with their straws, and _still_ Wormtail hadn't arrived. Bored, he opened the plastic lid and scooped out the unreachable froth with his fingers, making many muggle mothers look at him with apprehension, while their children watched him with fascination.

He was ecstatic on having got the unattainable, and then lovingly cleaned out the cup. The delight in doing that, and the delight in randomly "Avada Kedavra-ing" all muggle children who pointed him out to their mothers, died surprisingly quickly. He had always had a short attention span. Dumbledore, as Voldy's transfiguration teacher, had once written the following comment in Tom Riddle's report card:

_"Tom gets remarkably brilliant scores, however, that is to be expected of him. What I congratulate him upon, is the shortness of his attention span which could rival that of a fruit-fly's."_

Tom had framed that comment, and sent it to his dear papa, who promptly sent him a fruit cake. (Obviously, this event took place _before_ Voldy killed his dear papa.) However, the fruit cake did not contain any apples (his favourite fruit), and so he killed his dear papa, and his grandparents too for good measure, as his grandma had probably made the cake.

Voldy sighed… _still_ no Wormtail… it was already 5:15! What was he playing at ? So as not to die of boredom, he cast the "Tarantallegra" spell on a balding muggle father carrying two fully-loaded trays in either hand. Laughing hysterically (in his classic high pitched laugh) at the dancing father, he suddenly realised that nearly all the grown-ups in the place were commenting on the strangeness of a near-seventy year old man cackling in such an ungainly manner in public. Rolling his eyes, he lazily cast "Avada Kedavra" on a muggle girl, looking at him as if he were her hero, who was much too close for comfort.

Then, he finally caught sight of Wormtail's watery-blue eyes looking straight at him.

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Don't review! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding! 


	5. FOUR: One more idea

**Author: Psywena**

**Disclaimer: If I owned any of this, I'd be rolling around in money, no sitting here writing this. But alas, nothing except for this plot is mine and no, i am not rolling around in money.**

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Dumbledore looked at the different student's reaction to the notice he had put up during the night. He scoffed as he saw as he saw Hermione's reaction, "I expect her to participate in this competition and keep her nose out of some books for once. She's already read 'Hogwarts A History' 2931 times already!" he yelled. 

"Dumbly, we know you're awake and like looking at what the students of this school do through that seeing stone, which, might I add, no one knows about," said Phineas Nigellus, "but some of us people,"

"Portraits," corrected Dumbledore.

"portraits are still sleepy and prefer not to peek into student's personal lives!!!" declared Phineas Nigellus.

"Speak for yourself," said Fortescue, "I quite like to see what the students are doing. It's always so funny to see a student fall down the stairs or trip over a pot and look around and sigh in relief when they see that no one saw them when in fact, you've been watching all along!!" laughed Fortescue.

"The both of you have given me the most fantastic idea! Yes, yes, this ought to work, hmm, yes must get to work immediately, hmmm, yes, yes…" and so saying, Dumbledore walked away, muttering some utter nonsense about portraits and pots. The two portraits of Phineas Nigellus and Fortescue just looked at each other and shrugged.

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The next morning Dumbledore woke up very fresh and definitely very happy. He went about singing as he checked if everything was in position.

"Oh the grand old Duke of York,

He had ten thousand men,

Wait, no that's wrong, that's the muggle version. What's our version again? Ah yes, I remember now,

Oh the bad old Voldemort,

He had ten thousand hens,

He marched them to the Forbidden Forest,

And he marched them back again.

And when they were there, they were there,

And when they were back, they were back,

And when they were only halfway there,

They were given a lovely thwack!" he sang. "Yes, those were the good old days. Not like nowadays, everbody is singing 'Hit me baby, one more time'. Who knows what that is anyway. Anyways the good old days will be coming again soon. Yes, everything is in place. Time for breakfast!" he stood in from of a mirror and said, "Yes, the hat is straight, I wonder why everyone wears then a bit to the side nowadays, the blush is on and so is the mascara and the eyeliner and now all I need is my glasses. Wait! I almost forgot! I still need to use my special supply of 'Tory Tinkle's Eye Drops for Special Eye-Twinkling'. Yes, two drops should do the trick. Glasses on, there, I'm ready." And so he set out from his office for a breakfast which he knew was going to be absolutely fantastic.

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"Good morning, students and staff of Hogwarts. Today I have a special announcement to make. There will be no classes today on account of a special activity." At this, all the students cheered.

"The special activity is very important, as it is regarding the ball. When you come for the ball, it is absolutely necessary for you to have a partner. You may not choose a-or ask anyone to be your partner. And this is where another one of my splendid ideas comes in." At the last statement, all the students groaned. They all knew that when Dumbledore meant splendid, it actually was a disaster for the students.

"This idea of mine includes a game. There is a piece of paper hidden in each and every pot in this school and behind every portrait in this school. Each piece of paper has what you must wear tomorrow morning to breakfast written on it. Your partner will be wearing the same. The girls will be searching in the pots whereas the boys must search behind the portraits. Do not forget," Dumbledore added, "this includes your staff members too, so they will also be searching with you." At this there was a big uproar from the staff members.

"This is outrageous!" shouted Sprout.

"We will not play with children!" yelled McGonagall.

"I'm not getting my hands dirty!" screamed Pomfrey.

"I hate portraits!" shouted Filch, "they don't let me come anywhere near them unless its for cleaning."

"I wont get a partner short enough!" squeaked Flitwick, "I'll probably have to strap books to my talles stiletto heels!" At this he started sobbing hysterically.

"There, there now Flitwick," said Snape comfortingly as he patted Flitwick on the back, "If your partner doesn't want to dance with you because you're too short, I'll give you my heels too! They're much taller than yours anyways."

"Silence!" yelled Dumbledore and everyone settled down, "You have till five o'clock this afternoon to find a piece of paper. Remember, every pot and every portrait inside the castle. No going outside because I don't think Professor Sprout would like anyone touching any of her plants. Oh, and the pieces of paper are charmed, using advanced magic that no one here know, not even the teachers, to make sure that you cant pick up more than one and once you have touched one, you have to pick it up and cant put it back. I will be participating too and don't worry, I don't know which paper is where! However, we do have a small problem. The number of girls in this school happens to be less than the number of boys so it is necessary that some boys come as girls. Those students and staff members are:

Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom and Dennis Creevey from Gryffindor;

Blaise Zabini, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle from Slytherin;

Ernie Macmillan and Zacharias Smith from Hufflepuff;

Anthony Goldstein and Michael Corner from Ravenclaw and from the staff we have, Professor Lupin, Professor Snape, Argus Filck and myself. There, I think I have covered everything. And remember, the students whose name I have just called have to look in the pots!!" said Dumbledore.

"Sorry Filius," said Snape to a now calm Flitwick, "I'm going to have to keep my own stiletto heels." At which, Flitwick burst into tears again while Snape handed him his handkerchief.

"And I won't have to go anywhere near those portraits!" said Filch heartily.

And so they all set off to look for the little pieces of paper which would cause so much trouble as Dumbledore knew. He stood quietly in a corner and laughed to himself. "And so it begins," he said,

"Oh the bad old Voldemort,

He had ten thousand hens,

He marched them…."

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